“The world is divided into those who can shit
and those who cannot”
-Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Whenever a dog covers its poop with mud, it actually isn’t smearing the mud to hide or cover it up. All it does instead is, spread its scent to mark its territory and then secure its… shall we call it, poopsicle?.
Stay outta my territory! Only I, poop here.
is what it wants others to know.
Trespassers will be pooped on, survivors will be pooped on again…
I’m doing this partly because I’m out of ideas for now and partly because I want to record my childhood while I still remember it, so that I can read it when I no longer remember the things.
The above, was the customary prologue, given my taste for the professional.
1 : The boy who pooped
Mother Teresa was born on August 26th, 1910. She sure was a truly selfless soul and did a lot of things we don’t have much business talking about. However, what matters is that she died on the 5th of September in 1997.
Four days later, I took birth on the mortal land in the apple-rose continent of Jambudweep better known to us as India. This incarnation I like to believe, occurred more or less to make up for the loss inflicted on us four days prior.
As of this writing , I’m a sophomore engineering student with three live backlogs to my credit.
*Note from future: don’t mean to intrude my younger self’s soliloquy but hi here’s a four-year older me from the future informing that for the record, that guy ended engineering with a lot more of them.. a shitload of them…*
Younger Self: Beginning from the beginning .
Like every ordinary cartoon-watching kid, I always thought I was special and born with a purpose, and routinely waited for the sign, any hint, any manifestation of it. It never came. I was one and a half year into this planet when I learnt to walk and three years into it when sent to school to make a nice, educated gentleman of myself, which I’m told I did.
I still remember my first day at school very well, the reason being I pooped my knickers on my very first school day and ran all the way up to the classroom of my elder sibling, and embarrassed the shit out of him. So much so, that there forth, he refused to acknowledge me as a sibling in public.
To be honest, in hindsight , I believe my excretory action back in those days was kind of involuntary, because I pooped like a bird – gravitationally, mindlessly and often . More often than not, it always occurred during school hours.
Read further – She-who-must-not-be-named
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