To say this would be to state the obvious but I suck at taking exams!!
Out of the 2.64873 dozen things that I suck at , this one occupies the top position , or rather , is the trending one!
Once, when Jam asked me to mail my written things to her so she could get an idea of my style and my ‘thought process’ , I got to learn two things-
First, I really do possess a ‘thought process’. This term, seriously speaking , I’d heard it for the first time. Never had I wondered what ‘having a thought PROCESS ‘ would feel like , primarily because I’d always deemed my brain as a spacious but crappiest possible place to store anything in.
Also, my head was more of a ‘Random Access Memory’ device capable of throwing out spontaneous results rather than facilitating any sort of brain-fucking process so thankyou Jam. (Now atleast I know I’m a normal human apart from being just a homo-sapien).
Second , I got to know that Jam thought of herself as the (self-proclaimed) boss and I wasn’t supposed to argue with her .
This peek into our personal discrepancies was free of cost and I can vent out more but that would mean another 7 volumes authored by her on “Team Etiquette and Your Lack of It” and “You’ve Done Nothing in the Past Month” so no thankyou!
But still , I write a little.
A little , that too, in exams , no doubt I ended up with a backlog in the very first semester into my college .
(and then again in the second)
(and then again in the third)
(and god knows whether in the fourth…. ? )
It was Chemistry , the old , forgotten , nemesis .
Chemistry is a big time ‘pain in the ass’ , right ? I got 6 out of 50 and failed miserably for the first time in my life . Erstwhile , I had had real narrow escapes while passing by just 3 marks , 2 marks , 2 marks , 4 marks , but nay , never had I failed and this had deluded me into believing that I was sort of invincible in battle.
But then everything has a ‘first time’ .
And legend has it that the day the result was announced , I grabbed the book , hitherto , resting up the almirah in all it’s worthlessness .
All hell broke loose and for once , the book went out-of-it’s-senses as if it were a jetlag for her.
“Hey , dudebro! you drunk or what ? …know what ? you shouldn’t be. Better take care next time. Now , gimme a high five and let me to my throne up there on the shelf ”
But by then , I wasn’t someone to be so easily gulled. Determined enough , I gathered my troops and invaded through the chapters , ripping them through one by one like a Timurid tornado. Notes after notes , (and the pen finally startled into life like fire) .The gods watched in awe as I set out on the bookish-jihaad .
And legend has it , the results were out this time , chemistry – 34 out of 50 it was, and even I was dumbfounded on not getting 45+ , just saying .Nonetheless , the performance was still about 6 times better than what it had been last time and that gave me reason to cheer upon.
So you see , Don’t write a ‘little’ .
You either write the crap out of it , or just don’t write at all .
Either be bold , or be italics , never be regular .
Aut Caesar , aut Nullus .. and avoid the latter .
So now, Chemistry had been conquered , the fort was seized .
But DISASTER STRUCK! , (again) . It was a 17 in maths which meant I was just 3 marks short of passing. In the maths exam , everyone was frigging writing volumes about how 2+2 gives fucking 4 –
” 2 , when added to again , 2 gives the number 4 as a result of the addition and now HAHAHAHA! you’ll be giving me 2+2=4 marks for just about nothing , diddly squat! ”
Even I … wrote a little and that amounted to later bugger me from behind .
So when it was over , I came back and poetically exclaimed –
“I finished the exam bae”
Poetically , because the underlying deeper meaning was –
“I finished the exam before anyone else”
(seriously hoping you get the pun)