The ‘kaalu’ Chronicles! – Part I -my ‘khaandani’ pet dog

first off ,

10-most-expensive-dog-breeds-to-own-55659f24228faKaalu wasn’t just a dog, he was dogs.

because Kaalu was a dynasty, as I’d call it ,of dogs in my house. And every dog in that dynasty is named kaalu. Not even kaalu-II , kaalu-III ….just kaalu.

Not because they’re black, which they are,  but because my family members were too busy to think of a more worthwhile name.

And not just for the dog, they did this to their own son too! …and unfortunately, it was me. My name was decided at the time of my admission at school, after seeking advice from the principal as to what name would be most appropriate with the letter ‘N’ .

My nickname, though, was decided way earlier, and I never mention it to anyone because it sounds too girly and moreover. I even had a neighbour, with the same name (as her proper school name) , who happened to be a girl.

even my cousin (who happens to be a sister) has a rhyming nickname with just the difference of an alphabet. and my ‘joint family’ did this just for the sake of rhyming so that it became easier for them to remember. sounds dreadful, no? growing up at such a place!

returning to kaalu , let us begin with kaalu senior, the ancient, the first one, or let’s call him kaalu.

Kaalu was a cute (and expensive) looking dalmatian. his father was the hybrid of an even expensive looking St. Bernard and German Shepherd , and his mother was a dalmation.

This isn’t the truth.

but that’s how I like to remember him.

kaalu actually was a street mongrel, who belonged to a breed which comes as an outcome of tons of dogs fucking tons of bitches tons of here’s kaalu for you , unimpressive AF. now this means the whole dynasty is of mongrels.

(why we kept a mongrel ? there’s actually a story to it, but I’ll tell you about that later)

ever heard of the slave dynasty ? it was the first dynasty of the delhi sultanate, starring Qutb-ud-din Aibak , Iltutmish , Raziya Sultan , Ghiyasuddin Balban ,etc. the rulers of this dynasty were royal slaves, and the first ruler, Aibak ,was the slave of the great Muhammad Ghuri.

so you can now relate kaalu, the mongrel dynasty to be a counterpart of the slave dynasty.

and because of him being a mongrel, the name ‘kaalu’ was in well agreement with his ‘aukaat’.

so kaalu was quite a lovable dog. he seldom spoke anything. he hardly could bark and was always in need of food and sleep. we often had to save him from getting thrashed down by the other dogs but he never lacked the guts to indulge in a feud.

he was brave and could lock horns with almost any other animal, but dared not make eye contact with the cat in our house .

I often had seen him get slapped (yes slapped 😀 XD  , not even scratched) by the cat.


I always thought he was an ordinary run-of-the-mill dog.

but he wasn’t just another dog. (he was far worse)

he wasn’t even a dog , either…….he was a BITCH!

and i got to know that when ‘he’ gave birth to 6 cubs one day.  so she was a bitch , and that too,what a bitch! six at a time?!!

the emperor all of a sudden turned into an empress! …heard of raziya sultan ?

‘He’ was a strong enough ‘dog’.

This isn’t the truth.

but that’s how I like to remember him.

so I’ll still call him a dog whatsoever.

kaalu used to guard our house religiously, and at dinner, we used to give the last roti to him (as is the tradition in an orthodox brahmin family). of course , we also gave him the  2nd last, 3rd last ..and so on. eating and no-fuck-giving were the purposes of his existence.

he never did anything remarkable in his reign, yet he had a long enough reign. and i never saw him take a bath (or rather, being given a bath). regarding personal hygiene , he was only interested in  two things-

1)shitting in the fields and

2) covering it up

his end was a very sad one , and i never got to witness it. but i can make out that he was sad at the time of his death, because such bastards never want to leave food being given for free.


he perhaps died of a bullet while defending our house from robbers who were carrying guns along. he somehow survived 4 bullets but the 5th one led to his death.

That again, isn’t the truth

but that is how I like to remember him.

in reality, he died a natural death farting his life away.

he died a pretty much natural death , with perhaps a thorn or something poisonous stuck in his throat (that much is taken to be normal in our house).

and as time would have it….

there lay…the lord of the seven climes, in all his glory (which was fuckall)

and thus ended the reign of kaalu the senior, paving way for the new king, kaalu-II.

that’s all for now. I’ll tell the remaining story in the next part.

stay tuned. to be continued….


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